Why give a fuck?

That was what I told myself when I heard some people made realizations about some things without even asking. I have always been branded as a bitchy person with a very strong personality. But inside the hard exterior, I know for a fact that I am a very sensitive and emotional person. Very little things can affect my mood. That’s why, as a defense, I tend to be hard and just happy, to hide away any hint of emotion that might give away the hurt that I tend to feel.

Why give a fuck?

Through the course of my path to adulthood and maturity, I made many mistakes and I had hurt many people. I am trying to say sorry, at least to one of them, every two weeks. I try to let them know that I am aware that I hurt them, and I had my reasons back then, and I would like to say sorry for my actions. It’s tough because I am not expecting anything in return. There are just things that you have to say that will make your burden lighter. And at the end of the day, your baggages are becoming lighter and lighter. Then, you can just toss away the past, and move forward without giving a single fuck to any situation that uses the past as a basis.

Why give a fuck?

People will always judge you, in this case, they will always give their opinions.

I had a really serious talk with my mother two years ago when I opened up to her my failed relationship. I told her I was afraid that people might think I didn’t even try to make things work for us, that they might think I had it coming, that I was the worst person in the world. She reminded me that I was being bothered by the opinions of people who didn’t even care about me, who didn’t even ask me “hey, what’s up?,” who wouldn’t even let me borrow their hankies whenever they see me crying. Now I understand what she meant. I am always bothered with what people will say, especially those people that I think will have a lot to say about me. But in reality, what’s the catch for them? What are their goals? If they don’t want me to succeed, then clearly, their opinions do not matter, however they think it’s relevant. They can tell the world whatever they want, but that won’t be enough to trample down your spirits if you can just shrug it off.

But in reality, giving a fuck is easier that not giving a fuck. 


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