DAY 3: Jessie
I woke up with no one beside me. I panicked a little but because I could hear the sound coming from the kitchen, I felt relieved. I saw him preparing breakfast for us. It was good to see him cooking again, with a positive aura around him. It was like he was celebrating something. I felt great about him, and seeing him like this. He deserved to be happy, with me. He sacrificed a lot to make our relationship work. He took the blame when I was too tired to have an argument. He was usually the one who will say sorry just to end our discussion. He was the one who usually would ask me to go back when I wanted to leave. For him, what I said was the command, the absolute law in the house.
I immediately hugged him from the back. He was a bit surprised but he hugged me too. He held my hands and kissed them. I cried, because I realized, I was missing a lot. He patted my back and kissed me in my chicks. He dried all my tears with his lips.
“Good morning baby, don’t cry, everything will be fine,” he said.
Today was Saturday so he has no work but I had to go to the office to finish some stuff. I wasn’t able to continue my project because I was absent yesterday. After we ate breakfast, I called my copywriter to send to me the development of the project. “I should take this day off too, we need this time for us to rebuild the chances that we had before but we never grabbed,” I told myself.
We once again took a bath together and made love over and over again until we were really tired. We were happily embracing each other, without any clothes on, just like how we were born. But this time, neither of us was alone.
After another round of intense love making, we decided to go to a church. We never had a chance to attend a mass or visit one. We were too busy to do that or rather, I was too busy. Ever since I was accepted in an advertising agency, my only rest was Sunday which I have to devote for thinking of new proposals for the coming week. But this time, it was different. Although there were only few people inside the church, I could feel the sanctity of the place. This is where the vows of those who have strong faith were made.
He held my hand as he murmured his prayers. I murmured mine. I was hoping that we would never have to end. We were perfectly happy today, yesterday and the day before. I knew, he already realized that if he would only give me time to prove that he was more important than money, than anything in my life, he would never have to leave. I could give him what others can give to him. I could double it or triple it. I would do my best just to secure his love and to make our relationship last longer.
Just when I was about to finish my prayer, I saw him crying. He was praying intently and tears were flowing from his eyes. I grabbed my handkerchief and wiped the tears from his face.
“Everything will be fine,” I said.
“Yes, everything will be fine soon,” he responded.
We left the church because everyone was looking at us. We were never bothered but they were somehow bothered with our presence. We may have crossed the line, their sensitivities, but we know God knew better than to judge us. I had no idea where we were going but he said, he had a surprise for me. I was really excited. He was the type of person who would surprise people at a random time. There was a time that he bought me underwears with Spongebob and Patrick popping at the back. I also remembered the times when he would buy my favorite food because he just thought I would like it. Of course, every little thing that he did for me made me feel that I was the most important person in the world. And I loved him for that, for doing things just to make me feel better.
We proceeded to a park. He said, he wanted to lay down on the grass the whole day with me, just talking about us. I agreed. We needed to do this. To catch up with what was happening on our work, on our lives. We were living together for almost five years now but the past few months seemed to pass in a blur. We barely had a chance to talk to each other. Now was the time to make up for every single moment that we missed. I knew that he knew, I could always sacrifice for him. If he would ask me to not chase my dream anymore, I would do so. If he would ask me to stop working and give my whole attention to him, I would do so. I could give everything to him.
The people at the park were looking at us but we did not care. We were contented lying beside each other, feeling each other’s heartbeat and listening to our own stories. We laughed hard, we argued, we teased each other. These were the moments that made our relationship last for six years.
We waited for the weekly fireworks at the park. We always wanted to watch one but we were not able to because of our demanding jobs; because of my demanding job actually. I accepted so many responsibilities these past few years and I could say, I handled them well, in the expense of sacrificing my time with him. But I always knew he would understand; because at the end, I was doing everything just for him.
The fireworks were great and we watched intently as each of them painted the dark night with their colourful lights. People were amazed. He held my hand, tightly. I smiled. He held it tighter. I responded by holding him as tight as I could. He was murmuring in my ears, the words that I waited for him to say.
“I am really sorry, I really love you and I don’t want to see you in pain. I can’t resist you, I can’t,” he said with an unfathomable look in his eyes.
“Do not worry, I understand, I always do,” I responded.
Our night ended kissing under the moonlight. It felt amazing, it felt great.
Day 3: Franz
We are really tired when we arrive at home. Hay, my legs are in pain because it has been a long time since I did a real physical activity. He should rest first. I need to do some important things first. Why am I feeling uncomfortable, nervous and as if I’d like to poop? Hay, maybe I am just overthinking things.
“Mahal, go to sleep first, I will just finish some report before going to sleep,” I told him.
“Okay, sleep early Mahal, you need to go to work tomorrow. But can you sing me a song for me to go to sleep?” He asked while making that cute expression of his. He’s almost closing his eyes and his lips are tightly close forming a smile. Hay, that look again, the look I can’t resist.
“All I want is to hold you forever… All I need is you more everyday…” I am singing our favorite love song while tapping his side and caressing his hair.
After a while, I notice he is already asleep. He looks angelic on our bed, he’s smiling and mumbling disconnected words like food, there, Mahal, forever, don’t leave me. Tears start to fall from my eyes. Now I realize how much we changed for the past six years of our relationship. He filled the gaps in my life and taught me so many thing that I would never learn somewhere else.
He actually taught me how to be strong in front of different challenges. Before, I was always underestimated because people taught that I was too kind, inferior and fragile. At first, it was fine with me but later on I realized, people were just using me because unfortunately, I chose to remain silent until even I started to underestimate my own capabilities. But he would always encourage me every time I felt I couldn’t do it. When I first had my job interview, he silently waited outside the office just to be the first one to hear the result. Though I wasn’t accepted, you know I still felt like I was appointed as the CEO because I realized he was always there for me.
When I was sick of dengue, he was there throughout my hospitalization. He looked for me if my parents went home to rest. He always made sure that I had company so I would not be bored. He told me things that we would do if I would be strong and healthy again—he promised we’ll go bird watching in Aurora, which we did; we’ll pig out in a buffet restaurant, which we also did; and he would buy me shades, which he did. Although the doctor told me that I was already in my critical phase, his smile never faltered. He became my strength to fight. He didn’t lose hope so I had no right to lose hope.
I remember when I took my board exam, he wanted to be the first one to know the result. He took a day off from his work and stayed with me in a hotel waiting for the result. I was really nervous at that time, but he was there, holding my hands and telling me I would surely pass it. I was nervously pacing when he screamed and hugged me. He kissed every bit of my face while saying, “You did it! Congratulations! You did it!”
But things changed. Our ambitions went in the way. He always wanted to be on top. I just wanted to be happy working with other people. You know, being an executive is never my dream, argh, not at all. I always told him I just want a small bakeshop as a business. I would bake every day and give little biscuits to cute kids. If we would be fortunate enough to have our own sons and daughters, biologically or not, I would bake every day for us.
He always wanted grandeur. Big house, expensive things, shining blah-blahs and stuff. He also wanted to be a really successful advertising person. He wanted to win awards, to get big accounts and to have great advertisements. His passion and dreams made him forget about something I thought he would never forget: me.
Now I understand. I know why things like this have to happen between couples, why this has to happen between us. It is for us to know our priorities in life. For us to discover how we can make things work for both of us. I love him because I love him—nothing more, nothing less. He is the person who understands me the most. His happiness is my happiness. So this decision, is for him. I can’t bear seeing him, breaking down into pieces because of me. I can’t bear making him choose between his dreams, his life and me.
I get the envelope where I put the title of our house in Palawan. After almost 3 years, it is already completed. I imagine the life in the province, peaceful and fulfilling. I take a glance at the picture of our house, my surprise for him for the engagement I am planning this year. Hay, I need to do this.