DAY 0: Jessie
I know this is the end.
Every time we break up and end our relationship, there is a part of me that says we will be back together again. But, I know this time, we won’t.
He looked at me with the most apologetic expression. Tears were falling from his brown eyes; his lips were trembling and he was trying to reach me. I could not look at him. I couldn’t even listen to what he was saying. All I could feel was pure hurt and sadness. The vow that we once took to stay together forever was now null and void. I fell on my knees, sobbing like there was no tomorrow.
“Why? Why now? Why now when everything is fine?” I asked him.
He smiled bitterly and touched my face, like the way he did whenever he wanted to tell me a good story—only this time, I know this wasn’t the case. I closed my eyes and felt his fingertips slowly tracing the contour of my face. I will miss this. I will surely miss his scent, his breath, his usual kiss in the morning, his smile, and his heat. I held his hand tight as he drew a deep breath.
“I fell out of love with you a month ago, and fell in love with a friend. I can’t help it. Everything around us seems fake to me and I can’t pretend to be happy anymore,” he said in between sudden bursts of breath and tears. He told me about how he usually fantasized about me breaking up with him. His words wounded me and all I could hear was his voice repeating the same words over and over again.
My strength vanished and I couldn’t even stand. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. My heart was filled with anguish. What about my sacrifices in this relationship? I wanted to ask him how about the things I did just to satisfy his needs? How about our dreams of building our future homes together—buying cars, raising our kids and having our own school to run? But no words came out of my mouth and tears filled my face with painful memories of today.
“Please, have mercy, stay with me. I can’t live without you. I can’t imagine doing things without you. Everything about me is also about you. Please,” I begged on my knees. He understood how I felt. He was trying to lift me up but he couldn’t. I didn’t want to stand. All I wanted was to hear him say it was just a joke and that he had a surprise for me.
But the punch line never came. He sat on the floor and looked straight into my eyes. He was still crying and begging for my forgiveness. “I can’t stay out of pity. This is a mistake. I don’t want to be unfair to you. You should find a person who can offer what I can’t.”
I wept on and on: “stop, please stop, I can’t bear the pain anymore, please stop.” All I can feel are his arms around me, trying to calm me and saying things will be okay. But then I realized, all I need is more time to do the things that we should have done. More time to make me feel that I was loved. I needed more time to show him that he needed me more than anyone else.
“Please give me three days. Just three days, then after that we can go our separate ways,” I pleaded.
He hugged me tight. I hugged him tighter.